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You know that I care about you and Akira more than anything, right? That I still need you?

Of course I know that. But...Did something happen?

Akira is angry with me.

Do you think that I am selfish and vapid? Do you feel replaced by Yuri and Otabek?

You can tell me, if you do. I would rather know now than have another shouting match.

[Her next reply takes a moment as she actually takes time to consider her words.]

Did you two fight?

This might...be a better conversation in person, Yusuke. I...won't yell. I'm not angry with you.

[There's a pause between texts, but something secondary occurs to her after the first.]

Why would I feel replaced by Otabek?

[Notice how she doesn't ask about Yuri. Because in some ways she does feel replaced by him. And she at least knows of Yusuke's involvement with the younger ice skater.]

Edited 2017-08-11 10:43 (UTC)

So, yes?

I don't want to talk in person right now. I need to cool down.

[ Another pause, Yusuke's this time. This isn't a secret, but it's a bad time to talk about it. In the context of this conversation, in light of how their relationship had shifted after Futaba's confession, it's a bad time for a surprise.

But unlike some people, Yusuke does not hide things from his friends because they won't like them. ]

I am dating he and Yuri both. As of a few days ago.

Oh...you gave him a chance...

[It's the first thing she replies to, but she can't help it. She can't ignore how that message makes her heart twist and stomach drop. He was dating Otabek too. He was giving someone he barely knew the same chance she so desperately wanted but never asked for. It hurt.

She wanted to yell at him for it, to get angry. But she can't do it. The problem has always been that she's at least half as stubborn as he is at all times, and she doesn't want to just let him go. Not like this...So she doesn't say any more. Not yet. It'll likely come out in the next text anyway.]

I'd rather reassure you in person...but fine.

I do think you can be selfish about some things, but it's human. And I can't...get mad over you being selfish regarding how you feel about someone or something. I wish I had been brave enough to be that selfish sometimes. It doesn't make you vapid--that's something I definitely don't see you as.

I don't feel replaced. But I...I feel left out. Hurt. I can't keep hiding that from you. I shouldn't hide it in the first place but I do. Because I'd rather keep you as a friend than have nothing at all. I didn't ask for a chance but I wanted one...But I can't just lose someone like you because you don't love me the same way I--

[She's ranting now, but there it is, that hurt is coming out and it's not at all how she meant to say it. She doesn't mean to hit send either before she can go back and explain it better. She's almost thankful he didn't want to talk in person. At least this way he can't see the way hot tears are streaming down her cheeks and spilling all over her screen.]

[The next text comes later. He's likely already started on a response before it comes through.]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to send it like that. At least it's honest.

The point is...The point is, you're human Yusuke. You make mistakes, and some of those hurt people...even if you don't realize it. But I don't hate you for it. And I'm not mad. I...still need you, I still rely on you.

I hope...this doesn't keep you from relying on me.

[ This isn't even what he meant. It was about the Constellation, how his own pathetic need for purpose (because torture and arms dealing were really carrying on the Phantom Thieves mission) and validation (because sticking to Adachi seemed so important back then - why?) had put them all at risk. But it's a lot easier to break something than it is to fix it, he can't just ask nicely to be let out and expect it to work, and he wouldn't, as much as Akira hates his infiltration plot as a means to get rid of them, he hasn't come up with anything better. It had been short-sighted, of course it had, but selfish? There is nothing selfish about wanting to keep the circle small. There is nothing selfish about not tripping over himself to forgive someone who has made no effort to prove he has changed, not that Yusuke is aware of.

But of course she isn't focused on that. How could she be? He is realizing quickly that he's had this conversation before, blown someone right over and not known until it was far too late to be fixed. Last time was so angry, on both sides, and Yusuke would rather be hit with a new round of venom than what he gets, which is just...hurt. Palpable, visible hurt, even through text, he can see her face twisted with pain in his head as if in a frame, and he has to put the phone down for a second.

Akira is right. Brendan was right. This is his fault, and he deserves this. ]

I still need you. I still need both of you, but I have done nothing but cause you trouble since you arrived. I don't deserve anything from you.

I'm sorry.

I know that isn't enough.

If you don't want to talk to me either, I understand.

I made my bed. I will lie in it.

[No. No no no no no. That is not what she wanted. She didn't want him to think she'd abandon him--that's exactly what she wanted to avoid. This, like everything else around them lately, was a mess.]

Yusuke. Stop it.

Did I say I wanted to stop talking to you? I said I still needed you too. I don't want you to stop relying on me.

We're a team, even when you screw up. Even when I screw up. We fix it together.

that's not what Akira said

I'm not Akira.

And I'm telling you...You and I? We are a team. That isn't changing. You still need me and I still need you.

And...Yusuke. Even if I didn't need you around...I'd want you to be.

I know you're not.

I know we are.

You might want to consult him on that. I am merely the muscle, obviously not intelligent or capable enough to choose my own relationships. I'll have to wait on his wise judgement to decide that for me.

I can choose for myself too, Yusuke . I'll talk to him, but it's not something that's going to change my mind. You're more than what he said.

And you're stuck with me.

You may want to wait. He was angry. Let him cool off, so I don't have to make him.

I hope so.

Sounds like everyone needs to take a step back and breathe.

...When you're calmer...come over. I'll prove it if I have to.

I will see you tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Just...do what you need to tonight. I'll be here.

[ Sometime after...talking to Otabek? I Guess? What are timelines??

Futaba will get a knock on her door. Unannounced, but not unexpected. ]

[Timelines are a myth. Whenever he comes over, she's waiting and it doesn't take her long to answer the door.]

Hey...

[It's not the boisterous greeting she'd normally give, much more subdued and quiet, but it's still friendly and offered with a hint of a smile as she stands aside to let him in.]

[ It's a normal routine by now. Nod politely, come inside, take off his shoes, vomit his secrets and feelings until they cover every surface. No end in sight. ]

How are you feeling?

I should be asking you that question...

[She looks up at him, clearly concerned. He was the one that had a blow-out fight with Akira, not her. And while she had said some things in the text the night before...her own hurt over a fairly unrelated situation could take a back seat. Yusuke needed support, and that's what she was going to give. Their friendship came first, she promised him that.]

I'm...

[ Nope. Yusuke has to clench his teeth to cut himself off from the default response he's been using for years. I'm fine. It's a lie. It's hiding from the truth, something he made a vow to stop, and now he's doing it again. It has to end.

It's easier with Futaba, though. She at least understands. ]

I am not at my best. I am angry, and hurt, but I got some sleep, for once. I want to make things right, with everyone. I can't talk to Akira yet, so I am starting with you.

[Futaba waits as he stumbles over the default response--she almost expected it. It's easier to fall back on an I'm fine, easier that exposing raw nerves and letting the hurt bubble to the surface.

She's surprised when he pushes through and is honest. Progress.]

Starting with me...okay.

[Oh no.]

[ Maybe, technically, he started with Otabek? Not that he'd done anything to hurt him, but he should have told him everything before agreeing to date him. There's a lot of things he should have done, and didn't, since he came here. Yusuke is trying to make up for them, not dwell on them. ]

Yes, Futaba. I have been doing a lot of thinking, and talking. I have been so caught up in my own whirlwind of everything that I hurt you. I know I did, and I am sorry. I cannot help the way I feel or don't feel any more than you can, but I can pay attention. I just...didn't. I neglected your feelings and breezed past you, and you are not the first to fall victim to my carelessness.

[ ...he'll talk to Brendan later. If he'll even listen. ]

You are important to me, no matter who feels what. I want to be a better friend.

Yusuke...

[She appreciates the thought behind his apology, knowing it comes from a place of honesty. But she hates that he felt the need to apologize for getting caught up in his own feelings--It sucked, it hurt, but she hadn't really done much to make him any more aware of it.]

I didn't bring it up. I could have confronted you about how I felt past...past confessing in the first place, but I didn't. It hurt, hurts, but I didn't tell you it did.

I pushed it down, hid it, because I didn't want to come in between anything when you were obviously serious about Yuri--and now I know that involves Otabek too. I should have been honest...

[She offers a slight smile after a moment.]

I know I'm important to you, just like you're important to me. I can't say it's going to be an easy thing moving past...this, but I'll be more honest if I'm feeling left behind.

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